Pilot: I Think I Feel Something...thirtysomething.

I'm thirty-three years old and I'm sitting on my couch breast feeding my two month old son while I watch the pilot episode of the tv show, thirtysomething.  I was eight years old when this show premiered in 1987.  My mom was thirty-four and I remember watching it with her and being bored.   I think she was a bit bored too and switched to the more scandalous Dynasty.

I mostly remember this:

 I was curious when I saw it was available for streaming online.  I wanted to know if it would resonate with me now that I'm a thirtysomething (from here on out all instances of the phrase, "thirty-something" will become "thirtysomething.")   I shared my thoughts with my thirtysomething friend, Sara Kaye, and we decided to see if thirtysomething captured our thirtysomethingness.  So here we are.  Episode One: "Pilot."

The first few minutes of thirtysomething brings us up to speed with our primary characters in this ensemble drama, Michael and Hope Steadman, played by Ken Olin and Mel Harris.  Bits about their dating life, wedding, and the birth of their daughter, Janey, in flashback are intercut with the couple trying to make whoopee before the baby wakes up again (she does!).  It's like a romantic comedy version of the Munich sex montage.  Now that we know the history of the Steadmans we are ready for a day in their lives.  

This episode centers on how Hope and Michael's lives have changed now that they have a kid and to a lesser extent, are married.  Their single friends don't understand why they can't just get a babysitter and go camping with them for a weekend.  Hope is unable to have a grown-up lunch date with her successful single friend without being distracted by a screaming child clutching at her breast.  Michael's work partner, Elliot (Timothy Bustfield), confides in him that he had an affair which leads Michael to question his own fidelity.  

While I went into this experiment thinking the show would be cheesy melodramatic fun with a heavy dose of shoulder pads, I didn't expect it to hit so many familiar notes. When my husband and I got married we were suddenly in this dead zone between the single people and the people with kids.  Nobody wanted to hang out with us.  Our single friends wanted to go to parties that started at 10pm and we wanted to go to brunch and garage sales.  Married couples are more of a "get drunk in the daytime" set.  The couples with kids didn't want anything to do with us.  They thought we were crazy when we invited them to our house with their kids.  They thought we were crazy when we invited them out without their kids.  We learned quickly that they stick to their own kind.  Now I'm married and have a kid and I can actually say I relate to these story lines a lot.  

In one instance Hope and Michael have an exchange that my husband and I have had verbatim.  When Michael comes home and sees no progress on the remodel work going on in their dining room, he says, "I thought they were coming today!"  to which Hope responds, "They did."  It's little touches like this that really shocked me.  (I've also definitely tried to get it on while the baby cries in the background.)  But they really hit on all of the subtle resentments at play between Hope and Michael and most young marrieds.  When Michael asks if the baby sleeping early means she will be up later, Hope says under her breath, "you won't have to deal with it later."  A lot of the tension between these two strikes a chord in a broad way.  It's hard to get to the grocery store when you have a baby.  It's a never ending house cleaning and laundry doing job.  It all leads up to the classic, "what do you do all day" argument.  The big difference in this case is that Michael is a real dick.  With his slicked back business in the front and party in the back, hair cut and z cavaricci pants, he never seems empathetic or sincere.  I know this is the pilot episode and maybe his character is going to soften up a bit in coming episodes, but here he is just a smarmy, yuppie, prick and it ruins it for me.   

There is an ongoing plot line about Hope's weight gain from the pregnancy that is utterly unbelievable and offensive.  I can see how this began as a serious topic in the script because in reality after childbirth you just feel like you are in someone else's skin and that's pretty upsetting.  Unfortunately, Mel Harris is as svelte as Christian Bale in the Machinist.  I hate every person on screen that brings up her weight issues.  Yes, more than her prick husband mentions it.  Unless she's hiding a gut under that Princeton sweatshirt, they should've nixed this little through line from the script.

One of my favorite scenes is when Hope and Michael are in the car having just left Elliot's family dinner.  They are judging their friend's wild family life and also wondering if it's inevitable that when you have children your life descends into sticky chaos.  We all wonder if our kids will be asshole's we can't control or are too tired to control anymore, who will end up pouring slime from a Castle Greyskull toy onto a dinner guest.

Another interesting scene is Elliot, reacting to Michael's ridiculous ogling of women, tells him his affair was the most humiliating  and terrible thing he's ever done.  He says, "Lying was easy," and describes the affair as a "protracted nightmare."  Then shit gets real.  Michael, being the disgusting prick that he is, is excited and envious about this news.  The piano music comes in and Elliot lays it out straight, "Once you do it, now it's real. It's this thing that's with you and you can't tell her about it…and what you get is this abyss…and you don't know how you're ever going to cross it."   

It's these moments of honesty that hooked me on this show.  This is some grown up shit!  Hope and her friend Ellyn (Polly Draper in all her throaty voiced goodness,) have it out in a playground about the distance that's grown between them since Hope's marriage and child.  "Can't we both just be upset?!" Ellyn says.  I really love this relationship.  The career woman and the mom going at it.  You can see how long these two have been friends by the frankness they have with each other.  It all ends in hugs and tears, but it's honest and the solution is "can't we just go our separate ways and still be friends?" I'm looking forward to more with these two and I can't wait to see what kind of man Ellyn and her sexy career woman blazers is gonna pull in. 

I feel like this show was a hundred hours long.  There is no way I can begin to describe my feelings about it.  Every scene had some crazy eighties shit going on with wardrobe and setting.  More importantly, every scene had some massive melodrama with guitar strings drowning out the dialogue and punctuating every lesson learned or truth admitted.  The show wraps up with Hope and Michael accepting that their lives have changed and that they actually like a lot about the new life.  But not before Michael gets another jab in about how Hope used to be beautiful and have a "dirty mind."  I respect the man for being honest with her about feeling jealous of their baby and missing his wife, but man, what a slime ball.  

I'm as surprised as anyone that this show holds up so well despite the cheesy setting.  I guess thirtysomething yuppies never change!  I can't wait to see what else is in store for these thirtysomethings!  Maybe it will give me a heads up in my own life!  

Stray Observations: 

They are out of Raisin Bran, but don't worry, there's PLENTY of Cap't Crunch.  What thirtysomething has Cap't Crunch around?

Michael's best beardy friend, Gary (Peter Horton), really does seem like he's making a play for his wife.  Hands off Beardy!!

I like when Michael smells the baby blanket.  Give us more of that guy and less of Mr. Raisin Bran.

Single friends eat all your food.

I DO NOT relate to couples who won't get a babysitter.  Get a fucking babysitter.  

Michael has nasty teeth.  Don't look because you'll never not notice them again.

They bought all that camping shit and now they're not going?!

I'm going to do a shot every time the Princeton sweatshirt is on screen.  Tucked in or not.