Pilot: I Think I Feel Something...thirtysomething.

I'm thirty-three years old and I'm sitting on my couch breast feeding my two month old son while I watch the pilot episode of the tv show, thirtysomething.  I was eight years old when this show premiered in 1987.  My mom was thirty-four and I remember watching it with her and being bored.   I think she was a bit bored too and switched to the more scandalous Dynasty.

I mostly remember this:

 I was curious when I saw it was available for streaming online.  I wanted to know if it would resonate with me now that I'm a thirtysomething (from here on out all instances of the phrase, "thirty-something" will become "thirtysomething.")   I shared my thoughts with my thirtysomething friend, Sara Kaye, and we decided to see if thirtysomething captured our thirtysomethingness.  So here we are.  Episode One: "Pilot."

The first few minutes of thirtysomething brings us up to speed with our primary characters in this ensemble drama, Michael and Hope Steadman, played by Ken Olin and Mel Harris.  Bits about their dating life, wedding, and the birth of their daughter, Janey, in flashback are intercut with the couple trying to make whoopee before the baby wakes up again (she does!).  It's like a romantic comedy version of the Munich sex montage.  Now that we know the history of the Steadmans we are ready for a day in their lives.  

This episode centers on how Hope and Michael's lives have changed now that they have a kid and to a lesser extent, are married.  Their single friends don't understand why they can't just get a babysitter and go camping with them for a weekend.  Hope is unable to have a grown-up lunch date with her successful single friend without being distracted by a screaming child clutching at her breast.  Michael's work partner, Elliot (Timothy Bustfield), confides in him that he had an affair which leads Michael to question his own fidelity.  

While I went into this experiment thinking the show would be cheesy melodramatic fun with a heavy dose of shoulder pads, I didn't expect it to hit so many familiar notes. When my husband and I got married we were suddenly in this dead zone between the single people and the people with kids.  Nobody wanted to hang out with us.  Our single friends wanted to go to parties that started at 10pm and we wanted to go to brunch and garage sales.  Married couples are more of a "get drunk in the daytime" set.  The couples with kids didn't want anything to do with us.  They thought we were crazy when we invited them to our house with their kids.  They thought we were crazy when we invited them out without their kids.  We learned quickly that they stick to their own kind.  Now I'm married and have a kid and I can actually say I relate to these story lines a lot.  

In one instance Hope and Michael have an exchange that my husband and I have had verbatim.  When Michael comes home and sees no progress on the remodel work going on in their dining room, he says, "I thought they were coming today!"  to which Hope responds, "They did."  It's little touches like this that really shocked me.  (I've also definitely tried to get it on while the baby cries in the background.)  But they really hit on all of the subtle resentments at play between Hope and Michael and most young marrieds.  When Michael asks if the baby sleeping early means she will be up later, Hope says under her breath, "you won't have to deal with it later."  A lot of the tension between these two strikes a chord in a broad way.  It's hard to get to the grocery store when you have a baby.  It's a never ending house cleaning and laundry doing job.  It all leads up to the classic, "what do you do all day" argument.  The big difference in this case is that Michael is a real dick.  With his slicked back business in the front and party in the back, hair cut and z cavaricci pants, he never seems empathetic or sincere.  I know this is the pilot episode and maybe his character is going to soften up a bit in coming episodes, but here he is just a smarmy, yuppie, prick and it ruins it for me.   

There is an ongoing plot line about Hope's weight gain from the pregnancy that is utterly unbelievable and offensive.  I can see how this began as a serious topic in the script because in reality after childbirth you just feel like you are in someone else's skin and that's pretty upsetting.  Unfortunately, Mel Harris is as svelte as Christian Bale in the Machinist.  I hate every person on screen that brings up her weight issues.  Yes, more than her prick husband mentions it.  Unless she's hiding a gut under that Princeton sweatshirt, they should've nixed this little through line from the script.

One of my favorite scenes is when Hope and Michael are in the car having just left Elliot's family dinner.  They are judging their friend's wild family life and also wondering if it's inevitable that when you have children your life descends into sticky chaos.  We all wonder if our kids will be asshole's we can't control or are too tired to control anymore, who will end up pouring slime from a Castle Greyskull toy onto a dinner guest.

Another interesting scene is Elliot, reacting to Michael's ridiculous ogling of women, tells him his affair was the most humiliating  and terrible thing he's ever done.  He says, "Lying was easy," and describes the affair as a "protracted nightmare."  Then shit gets real.  Michael, being the disgusting prick that he is, is excited and envious about this news.  The piano music comes in and Elliot lays it out straight, "Once you do it, now it's real. It's this thing that's with you and you can't tell her about it…and what you get is this abyss…and you don't know how you're ever going to cross it."   

It's these moments of honesty that hooked me on this show.  This is some grown up shit!  Hope and her friend Ellyn (Polly Draper in all her throaty voiced goodness,) have it out in a playground about the distance that's grown between them since Hope's marriage and child.  "Can't we both just be upset?!" Ellyn says.  I really love this relationship.  The career woman and the mom going at it.  You can see how long these two have been friends by the frankness they have with each other.  It all ends in hugs and tears, but it's honest and the solution is "can't we just go our separate ways and still be friends?" I'm looking forward to more with these two and I can't wait to see what kind of man Ellyn and her sexy career woman blazers is gonna pull in. 

I feel like this show was a hundred hours long.  There is no way I can begin to describe my feelings about it.  Every scene had some crazy eighties shit going on with wardrobe and setting.  More importantly, every scene had some massive melodrama with guitar strings drowning out the dialogue and punctuating every lesson learned or truth admitted.  The show wraps up with Hope and Michael accepting that their lives have changed and that they actually like a lot about the new life.  But not before Michael gets another jab in about how Hope used to be beautiful and have a "dirty mind."  I respect the man for being honest with her about feeling jealous of their baby and missing his wife, but man, what a slime ball.  

I'm as surprised as anyone that this show holds up so well despite the cheesy setting.  I guess thirtysomething yuppies never change!  I can't wait to see what else is in store for these thirtysomethings!  Maybe it will give me a heads up in my own life!  

Stray Observations: 

They are out of Raisin Bran, but don't worry, there's PLENTY of Cap't Crunch.  What thirtysomething has Cap't Crunch around?

Michael's best beardy friend, Gary (Peter Horton), really does seem like he's making a play for his wife.  Hands off Beardy!!

I like when Michael smells the baby blanket.  Give us more of that guy and less of Mr. Raisin Bran.

Single friends eat all your food.

I DO NOT relate to couples who won't get a babysitter.  Get a fucking babysitter.  

Michael has nasty teeth.  Don't look because you'll never not notice them again.

They bought all that camping shit and now they're not going?!

I'm going to do a shot every time the Princeton sweatshirt is on screen.  Tucked in or not.

The Pilot Pilot Post (by SK)

I've already screwed this up since I peaked at the “trivia” part of the booklet insert for the thirtysomething DVD set. I just learned that:

“Tying with the thirtyomething epdiosde “Therapy,” Marshall Herskovitz and Edward Zwick won a Writer’s Guild of America Award in the category of Episodic Drama for this pilot.”

I’d like to start off by just saying this episode is [probably] brilliant!  I feel like I already have an advantage over K because I have a few years on her and now here I am with another advantage: I have the DVD set with the booklet. I think she is watching single episodes streamed on the internet. She may not know which ones are brilliant. Don't worry! I will guide you all!

The pilot episode of thirtysomething is about how a young couple (Hope & Michael) is adjusting to being the first yuppies in their yuppie sect to have a baby. The baby, Jane, is seven months old and it seems like this is the time limit for patience and understanding from their non-baby-having friends. These so-called friends all want Hope and Michael to get a babysitter and so they can take a backpacking trip and then everyone can be like they were before, when they were twentysomething. The trip will only be two nights, but it doesn't look like it's going to be easy to find a baby sitter or for Hope to leave her daughter.  

Recurring themes: White Wine & Biology

White Wine!

Someday, even someday after this day, we will seriously look back at 80s entertainment for clues about the influence of feminism and the subsequent backlash. The shoulder-pad era is my favorite example and thirtysomething plants you right in the middle of it.  One of the first scenes is a flashback of Hope and Ellen talking about Hope's new boyfriend. They sit side-by-side peeking at each other over huge mountains of protective foam padding on their shoulders. Each demurring,  trying to get to talk about what they really want to talk about: sex.  

I was struck by the one eternal truth present in this episode, something as true in 1987 as it will be in 2087: White wine as the potion of girltalk. It is the symbol of honesty, communication, and understanding (with notes of manipulation and a finish of unmet expectations). It is the salad of the drink world. Ladies love it like Elizabeth Báthory liked virgin blood.

DRINK IT!!!!

Later, while waiting for Hope to show up for a lunch date, we see Ellen holding a glass of white wine. But what does Hope have in her hands? That damn baby! We know the score here.

A couple days after the restaurant date, Ellen calls Hope to tell her that she should seriously go back to work because she seemed so miserable! Hope tells her she is perfectly happy taking care of her child at home. They don't talk for a couple days and rightfully so - passive aggressiveness is still effective even today. Hope goes upstairs to try on her old career clothes and I think we were supposed to see that Hope used to be thin and none of these clothes fit right! But the effect doesn't work because Hope is pretty skinny (for a handsome thin-lipped 80s beauty anyway) and the clothing of that period was, in general, giant: big blazers, oversized shirts, suffocating brooches... So it just looks like this odd charade that would belong on a as-seen-on-tv infomercial for button-extenders. 

To end the stalemate, Ellen meets Hope in the park and neither one has a baby or a glass of wine in their hands and they come to an understanding about the new terms of their friendship; Hope has a baby now and will be able to use it as a self-righteous reason for demanding or excusing whatever she wants, and Ellen promises to play the lonely, empty over-worked career woman desperate for a man. They both admit that they are jealous of each other. If only they knew that thanks to the internet, mommy blogs, outspoken female CEOs of bigtime tech companies, the term "Pet Parent", and um, REPUBLICANS,  the mommy-wars of today would be further reaching, more damning and agressive than ever before! You have nothing to look forward to. 

Side note: I noticed that Hope wears dangling earrings throughout the whole show. Dead Giveaway - no one with a grabby seven month old baby would be wearing danglers, let alone around the house. 

Biology! 

The other prominent theme is about biology - specifically biological urges. People still love to talk about our biological determination and all things natural, but it almost always a prominent topic of conversation in a backlash period.  

Elliot and Michael own a creative indie ad agency.  They talk about how being thrust into the role of breadwinners has put them in the horrible position of having to sell out.  They discuss how nature has made them predators for foxy females. It comes out that Elliot, who is married and has two kids, has had an affair. Michael is shocked. He slips up and tells Hope, who is freinds with Elliot's wife and we finally have some real juice for at least a couple episodes. 

Back at the homestead we meet Gary. I dislike him immediately because he is sit-spooning Hope when Michael comes home. This, I take it, is all supposed to be evidence of the arrested development of that generation: group-cuddling, hanging out at each others houses, flopping on desks like children when things are going bad. It's good to know that decades later we all found more palatable and hipper ways to extend adolescence; like alternative weddings, dressing our children in rock t-shirts, and legitimizing record collecting, video games, and kickball as worthwhile cultural pursuits.

They really overwork the touchy-feel guy character with Gary. When the wild child friend, Melissa appears dressed like Cindi Lauper(and later holds a camera to let us know she is the creative one), we learn that she and Gary used to date, so  he again feels free to put his hands all over her.  Any time this dude is in the scene the pilot feels extra piloty and off paced because he is so obnoxiously performing the young, hip friend. It just hasn't found its groove.  

This is where we learn that they all think they should go on a backpacking trip and it sets it up for the whole show; will Hope and Michael be able to find a babysitter? But we know the real story isn't about the babysitter, is it about whether or not Hope is ready to let go and leave her baby. We know that the show will be about whether or not all these people will stay friends through this baby transition. Will Michael be able to weather this new storm of responsibilities and the changing interests and attentions of his wife? Will he accept that he may have to sell out in order to be the breadwinner? Will they ever know that it is a privilege to even have the time and space to contemplate these things?

Hope & Michael end up canceling on the backpacking trip after a harrowing night where Michael stands out on the porch in his white boxers and screams at the neighbors who are having a loud party, he learns that he is totally turning into his dad. They accept this. 

Gary responds, “What’s 12 years of friendship anyway?”  This backpacking trip means EVERYTHING!! We know they will all still be friends, but this cancellation means they are on all new terms - they must accept that the times are a-changing. 

The episode ends when Hope and Michael have an all-out confession and Michael tells her that he liked it better when she was beautiful, not fat, and she gave him, and not the baby, all of her attention. They embrace and say they need to talk like this more. Hope tells Michael what will be the thesis of the show:  they expect too much because they always got too much. Their parents were the post-war generation and they wanted the best for them and now they got too much and can’t cope with real life.  The show ends and we can assume the following episodes will be about them struggling with things like buying coffe grinders. 

I had a hard time with this episode because I'm not sure what to do with this information. I wonder if I will be able to relate my life to theirs, if I will be able to extract cultural meaning and keep up with this blog. For one thing, these people look really old; 31 in 1987 is looking like an un-photoshopped 43 in 2013! This program is making me think that I could possibly look that old, and we know that is not true. I'll have to watch a season or two of Real Housewives in the next few days to feel better about myself.  

You can see why it got made fun of for being a show about self-indulgent yuppies whining. Hence the White Whine motif.  My parents would have been in their mid and late thirties when this show aired and I know for sure that they didn't watch it. My dad served two tours in Vietnam  I doubt he would be interested in a show about people deciding whether or not to go backpacking for two nights.  They also used to leave us in the car to play with seatbelts and cigarette lighters while they ran their errands - running into stores, playing tennis and baseball, and talking to church friends. So when these sweatshirt-tucked-into-jeans yuppers were so distressed over finding a babysitter I just wanted to scream at them, "You have a CAR don't you???? It has door locks doesn't it???"

The criticism of this show was probably similar to the criticism of Girls. It's not that we want all tv stories to include every kind of experience, but good stories usually have some kind of universal experience - privilege is so very annoying because it is so very oblivious.  We now have stylized this oblivion into over-the-top, self-aware rich-kid shows about privilege like say, Gossip Girl (R.I.P).  

I barely remember it, but I bet back in the old pay phone and handwritten letter days, there was a long-running social understanding that certain levels of certain problems, like the ones everyone has, or the ones we wish we had; indoor vs outdoor pool, Harvard vs Princeton, etc., should not be vocalized or dramatized. I personally will listen to any kind of complaint if someone knows how to complain - make it funny or make it hurtful, just don't be like the people on this show. Thanks to social media making navel gazing and privileged people problems (hello Rich Kids of Instagram) the norm, it may be hard to see just how progressive thirtysomething was for its time, but it is. That being said, I can't wait to see if something horrible happens to these people. 

Cheers!

Glossary

YUPPIE: short for "young urban professional" or "young upwardly-mobile professional" - faded in popularity after the 87 stock market crash (look out thirtysomething!) - 

...a late-20th-century cultural phenomenon of self-absorbed young professionals, earning good pay, enjoying the cultural attractions of sophisticated urban life and thought, and generally out of touch with, indeed antithetical to, most of the challenges and concerns of a far less well-off and more parochial Middle America. - political commentator Victor Davis Hanson 

BACKPACKING:  combines the activities of hiking and camping for an overnight stay in backcountry wilderness. A backpack allows a hiker to carry supplies and equipment to accommodate one or multiple days out on a trail, into areas past where automobiles or boats may travel.